I went to see Dad this morning and he was a bit groggy. I spoke with the new manager who has been with the company for nine years. She told me that in the morning he is less alert and that in the afternoon he is more coherent. He was playing dominoes the other day with the rest of the tenants in the afternoon! I think it has been better for him and for me that I cut down the visits to once every two weeks. He's happier to see me and I am happier to see him.
I showed him my latest painting (Marilyn Monroe) and chatted a little bit. I'm learning that if I follow the Alzheimer's Association's instructions on how to communicate with a person with dementia, such as making sure we have eye contact and watching him form his words rather than just listening, we have a higher success rate of understanding one another. Much higher. And of course getting him to see me form my words. Other tips are to never correct him or explain anything (a toughy) and always talk to him with respect (very very tough) like he's an adult (oh come ON.) But I'm trying to be teachable. And we have lots of teachable moments. I'm trying not to listen to the side of me that wants to say, "But....if I'm treating him with respect and like an adult, how am I NOT supposed to correct him when he asks me how Alan, my husband, is doing?" (COUSIN Alan?? And of course I don't remember about not correcting/explaining until I tell him Alan is married and living in Colorado and has horses.) Once I told him he meant Leonidas we were on track. I guess the point is that his being factual doesn't matter. The other tip is to hang out in HIS world. In his world, this all makes sense. So the idea is to treat him like an adult, with respect, in accordance with his reality. Do I want to be happy or do I want to be right?
So we go on a walk through the neighborhood and we look at all the houses and yards and talk about which ones we like, who's got a nice yard, who has a crummy yard, how the weather is cooling down, and finally I see....(can it be) a garage sale! And the best kind of garage sale: one with a slew of 16x20 usable frames with crummy outdated prints for (be still my heart!!) $5.00 each! So I ask him if he wants to go have a look, and even though he automatically says NO I very respectfully tell him that I have to get a closer look at all the "pretty art work". The other tip is deflection, and I am becoming pretty astute at this one. We spend another ten minutes looking at stuff and I also see a handcarved chair right out of Antiques Roadshow that I need to come back for. $25.00! So we go back to the house.
Once we are back, I sit next to him and ask him to help me work a crossword puzzle. He falls asleep and then wakes up and starts paddling around the house. So I know it's time to go. After some pictures and a hug, I bolted over to the ATM and back to the garage sale. Got the chair and the last two frames. Talk about bonus points!
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