I went to see Dad this morning so that the physical therapist could teach me how to get him in and out of a car, in and out of a wheelchair, etc. He was completely out. According to the manager, he'd been up at night and at the breakfast table he had his forehead on the table. He couldn't be roused from his bed by myself or the physical therapist. We tried for ten minutes to get him to follow instructions but he was out cold. I asked the manager to cut back on his meds, or to get the doctor to reconsider what he was being prescribed. He's been on antibiotics for the UTI since Friday. He'd asked for a pain pill last night. I asked her to switch from Hydrocodone to Extra Strength Tylenol. I told her that he was extremely sensitive to these high powered meds. The physical therapist said she would try again on Thursday, but if he couldn't be roused again, she would discharge him from physical therapy. I told her I completely understood. She said we could always take it up later.
I went to an Alzheimer's meeting in Garland, the only one in the metroplex on this night. It was wonderful to be in a room with children and spouses of people with dementia or Alzheimer's. We did a lot of talking and a LOT of laughing. It was the best thing I'd done for myself in weeks. I heard a lot of stories that were similar to mine. I talked about Dad's listlessness and two of the daughters of patients encouraged me to go through the list of meds he was on and try to cull out the ones that he doesn't have to have. Another advised me to move him into a place that was strictly for memory care. There were about eight of us in this little meeting and we hung onto each other emotionally like people in a life raft. Some of the men had taken care of their wives for years before a broken hip forced them to put them into this facility for memory loss. Finally one of the husbands said to me, "Your number one priority is to take care of yourself. I'm probably a little different in my thinking, but I think you should let the meds stay as they are. This allows you to sleep at night."
A couple of the ladies talked about the disturbing news that the caregiver frequently dies before the person who is ill because of the stress. We all agreed that it was stressful. One gentleman was trying to decide whether to put his wife in this particular facility in Garland. He was presently caring for her at home and it was overwhelming him. I think the thought of having to take that step was eating him up. I said it's still stressful even when they are in a facility, but not nearly as much as if they were living at home. Most of these guys see their wives every day. One lovely lady had her husband living there at the facility. She told us about one of the tenant asking, "How long have you and he been married?" She said 58 years. The tenant then said, "Well, you've had him for 58 years. Why don't you let me have a crack at him." She was dead serious. It was so great to laugh with people who got this.
One of the husbands walked me to my car and said he agreed with the guy who said: let the meds ride. He said, "The goal at the facility is to allow the patient to have the most quality of life they can have. Maybe for your father, being doped up is the way to achieve that for him. He's not suffering. He's resting." I felt that he was saying this with a great deal of compassion, as though this would be the advice he would give his own children. And he was right about Dad being at peace. This morning lying in bed, he was very much so.
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